My name is Manuela. I am 26 years old. In 1998, exactly on the catholic Christmas I graduated in journalism. Since then I have been living in the Komaja Centre in Gottmadingen, Germany and I am working as a manager of a store for the German firm Spinnrad. I have been vegetarian for four years and have not consumed alcohol, cigarettes and drugs for the past three years.
I started taking drugs in high school. When I was approximately 17 years of age I smoked my first joint. Why? Because it was the normal thing to do: in the first year of high school - coffee; in the second year of high school - alcohol; in the third year of high school - marijuana. That was the only thing left to try when we would go out in the evenings. We were searching for a good time, for something that was more interesting than the everyday life - of which we, of course, were not satisfied. I was not a special case, I was classic case, quarrels at home, problems with my father. I was filled with hormones with which I did not how to deal with. In school we got all kind of theory but not the one that would really be of help to me or would direct me in the right direction.
In the beginning, smoking marijuana was a temporary activity, amongst other reasons because it was expensive and I did not have enough money to afford it regularly. It became serious during my university studies. Then I started changing, the way I was looking at the world around me was changing. I started looking deeply into the things that were happening and I started getting very frustrated at what I saw - at home, in the educational system, in the society, in the State... I didn't want to go with the flow; I wanted something else, something fulfilling, something that would give sense to the existence. I became rebellious and I started experimenting. Hashish, ecstasy, LSD, speed, and heroin, fortunately only as a single experiences. In the last two years a day didn't pass without joint. I didn't want to stop. The states of mind that I was experiencing were dearer to me than the "normal" ones. States of mind of another consciousness, a consciousness that is above the material one; often ecstasy was filling me, finally I was satisfied, relaxed and I was laughing a lot.
What was really happening: the chest was being opened and the head also... I could eat nothing because I was feeling sated from the beauty and pleasure. Whatever was happening to us during the day, when we would smoke marijuana somehow turned into positive. Suddenly peace and trust in life. That was fascinating me. That was what I wanted in my life. At any price.
I was not coming to the idea of quitting. And this was like that because there was nothing more valuable which would give me those beautiful states of mind. At this time I still hadn't discovered such thing. Somewhere in that time Komaja happened to me. I knew several people who were in Komja and who (imagine!) were not consuming cigarettes, alcohol or drugs. Some of them who have consumed before - were not consuming anymore! Just like that. And they say - they feel wonderful! That was the point where simultaneously started thinking: what could that "miracle" be? I went to visit them, I saw them and they have conquered me!
The key was in love! To love, to be in love, it doesn't matter in whom or what. And that is how you will reach ecstasy, how you will be fulfilled, content and happy.
How did I quit taking drugs?
It was the first day of my first Summer School. I had smoked one cigarette and I went to Makaja's lecture that he gave for approximately hundred people. When the lecture was over, it was crystal clear to me that that was the last cigarette and the joint I had yesterday was the last one. I gain nothing from them anymore. I have discovered the true beauty which doesn't come from some kind of weed or a pill, but from within, from the chest. And it is more glorious and is everlasting. I simply have understood both mentally and intuitively, both with my soul and body. Three years passed since then. Now I live a different life. I am trying to meditate and in such way as to get to know myself. To find and to connect myself with the source of life energy. To make more firm the concentration of my consciousness in the chest area so that it can radiate from there in any situation.
Going through the Komaja Schooling I have been given tools for my hands: knowledge and methods as to how I reach those states of consciousness for which I long for.
I can say that the love meditation and mantra singing are my dearest techniques. Through them I can easily give to myself beautiful experiences and exalting states of mind. The Polytherapy and the theatre of truth are bringing light to my unconscious and subconscious parts of my Ego.
And that is the beautiful side of the therapy: it is changing me! It is liberating me from inner and outer addictions!